I: To avoid fornication.
Sakal: [Comes over to where Charles is
sitting] We meet again?
Charles: Oh, Mr.
Davidson! Yes. Please, have a seat. Thank you for coming.
If you don’t mind, I’d like to really focus, today, on something that you implied yesterday. Much of your argument for young marriages seemed to focus on the issue of, well, fornication. Mental fornication, I assume you mean?
If you don’t mind, I’d like to really focus, today, on something that you implied yesterday. Much of your argument for young marriages seemed to focus on the issue of, well, fornication. Mental fornication, I assume you mean?
Sakal: Mental or
physical.
Charles: Wow! So
you mean…? Well, let’s not go there, not today.[i]
I read up on the I Corinthians 7: 2 passage, which seems most critical to what you are saying. I read a number of sermons on the subject, and most of the authors that I read were in agreement that verse two, which at first blush seems to say that every man should have his own wife,[ii] actually means that married men should have their own wives. That it is actually a summary of verses three through five which speak of a man and his wife, in the physical sense.
I read up on the I Corinthians 7: 2 passage, which seems most critical to what you are saying. I read a number of sermons on the subject, and most of the authors that I read were in agreement that verse two, which at first blush seems to say that every man should have his own wife,[ii] actually means that married men should have their own wives. That it is actually a summary of verses three through five which speak of a man and his wife, in the physical sense.
Sakal: So you’re
saying that verse two means, 'In order to avoid fornication, let each man who
is already married sleep with his own wife'?
Charles: Well, yes,
when put crudely.
Sakal: And verse
nine?
Charles: Verse
nine? I was talking about verse two.
Sakal: And your
explanation for verse two (which, as you say, flies in the face of its clear
meaning) founders on the rocks of verse nine. Surely you can’t mean ‘let every
man who is already married marry and not burn’?
Charles: But I can mean that, and you have shown me
how. I am becoming more and more convinced by this thing you call ‘betrothal’,
instead of ‘engagement’. And many courtship advocates talk of it as well. Verse
nine could be speaking of a betrothed couple, who are getting a little too
eager to come together, or maybe they have already done so, surreptitiously;
saying that they need to marry.
Sakal: And verse
thirty six?
Charles: Well verse
thirty six does definitely help with your ‘young marriage’ argument. But
really, we all want that. But our children need to be prepared before they
marry. So verse thirty six, which talks about a girl who is passing ‘the flower
of her age’, is definitely in favor of young marriages… but not unprepared
ones, and it says nothing about the temptation or ‘burning’ issues of the
previous verses.
Sakal: Well, I
would argue with that, but it seems to me there is a basic logic flaw in your
argument as well.
Charles: Well, it’s
not really my argument, many of the sermons that I read…
Sakal: …and none of
the old commentaries. In a minute I will tell you what Calvin said on this
issue… and John Gill, and Matthew Henry. But let us look at the logic flaw
first.
Verse two speaks of ‘avoiding fornication’, verse nine speaks of a lack of ‘self-control’ or, as the KJV puts it, an inability to ‘contain’. Certainly the married man, and the betrothed man, may have issues with both of these problems, issues which may be helped by coming together on a regular basis with his wife.
But is it only, or even principally, the married and betrothed men who have problems with fornication and lust? Does it make sense, really, to say ‘in order for the married man to have relief from the temptation of fornication he should sleep with his wife, but the unmarried man can be perfectly content without one? Do you know many, or any, young men who are not troubled by lust? Do you know of anywhere else in Scripture where, except for the gift that Christ and Paul[iii] talk about, a young man is able to get relief from this?
Verse two speaks of ‘avoiding fornication’, verse nine speaks of a lack of ‘self-control’ or, as the KJV puts it, an inability to ‘contain’. Certainly the married man, and the betrothed man, may have issues with both of these problems, issues which may be helped by coming together on a regular basis with his wife.
But is it only, or even principally, the married and betrothed men who have problems with fornication and lust? Does it make sense, really, to say ‘in order for the married man to have relief from the temptation of fornication he should sleep with his wife, but the unmarried man can be perfectly content without one? Do you know many, or any, young men who are not troubled by lust? Do you know of anywhere else in Scripture where, except for the gift that Christ and Paul[iii] talk about, a young man is able to get relief from this?
Charles: But no one
believes that this means that the unmarried man must marry!
Sakal: Until
recently, practically everyone
believed it. Calvin is particularly forceful on the subject. He says: … The incontinent, therefore, neglecting to cure their
infirmity by this means, sin by the very circumstance of disobeying the
Apostle’s command. ….[iv]
Charles: Oh. But…
Sakal: And lest you
think he was alone in this, John Gill says:
if either therefore they want a will or power
to contain, let them marry; it is not only lawful for them to marry, but it is
right and best for them; [v]
Matthew Henry says: not law bound a man to marry so that he sinned if he did not; I mean, unless his circumstances required it for preventing the lust of uncleanness. And he says: This is God's remedy for lust. The fire may be quenched by the means he has appointed.[vi] And then: marriage, with all its inconveniences, is much better than to burn with impure and lustful desires. Marriage is honourable in all; but it is a duty in those who cannot contain nor conquer those inclinations.[vii]
Matthew Henry says: not law bound a man to marry so that he sinned if he did not; I mean, unless his circumstances required it for preventing the lust of uncleanness. And he says: This is God's remedy for lust. The fire may be quenched by the means he has appointed.[vi] And then: marriage, with all its inconveniences, is much better than to burn with impure and lustful desires. Marriage is honourable in all; but it is a duty in those who cannot contain nor conquer those inclinations.[vii]
Charles: But how,
why… why is no one saying that nowadays?
Sakal: Well, some
Godly men are.[viii]
But the reason that I see is because we are Gnostic.
Charles: Gnostic?!
We believe in a spirit/mind duality, with the body being basically bad?
Sakal: Yes. And do
you see how it applies to this issue?
Charles: I, umm,
I’m almost afraid to say that I do.
Sakal: What do you
see?
Charles: That these
earlier commentators, they really believed that marriage was, that… [Sakal waits patiently]
This is so hard to say. Nowadays we see the spiritual problem of fornication, lust and adultery, and we seek a spiritual solution… more Bible study, more prayer, an increase in faith, repentance, etc. But these old commentators seem to be insisting that I Corinthians 7:2-5 says that a man should seek a solution to their spiritual problem with a physical solution. That we should seek relief…
Oh, Hi Andrew! [Blushing furiously]
This is so hard to say. Nowadays we see the spiritual problem of fornication, lust and adultery, and we seek a spiritual solution… more Bible study, more prayer, an increase in faith, repentance, etc. But these old commentators seem to be insisting that I Corinthians 7:2-5 says that a man should seek a solution to their spiritual problem with a physical solution. That we should seek relief…
Oh, Hi Andrew! [Blushing furiously]
Andrew: Pastor
Charles! And sitting here talking with Mr. Davidson! What is the occasion?
Sakal: [Seeing that Charles is embarrassed] We
were having another discussion about courtship. We were discussing…
Charles: [Clears his throat loudly] Actually,
I would like to discuss what you said the other day about engagement.
Sakal: Very well,
although it is not that difficult a subject. I dislike the word ‘engagement’
because it fails to reflect the reality of the relationship.
Andrew: Yeah. I
looked that one up, too. A lot of commentators talk about it, although most of
them feel comfortable using both words. But they talk about the differences,
how engagement is a ‘lighter’ term, that pretty much everyone sees your being
able to get out of, whereas betrothal, or espousal, is permanent, like marriage
vows.
Sakal: Exactly. [He and Andrew both look at Charles]
Does that answer your question?
Charles: [Huskily] Yes.
Sakal: Well, good.
So getting back to our previous subject, Proverbs five speaks of the exact same
thing. It says that a young man who is enjoying his own wife is, or should be,
‘distracted’ from other women.[ix] And
the church is afraid of that idea. They want our young men to be pure, to have
conquered lust, before they even think about marriage.
Andrew: Don’t I know
it!
Charles: But don’t you want our young men, and women,
to be pure?
Sakal: Of
course I do. And the way that Scripture says that that should happen is that
they should marry; and courtship seems to contradict that or, at the very
least, to delay it.
Charles: But so
much of my training has been designed to help find ways to help young men deal
with the problem of lust. It is one of the biggest issues in Youth Pastoring!
Sakal: Oh?
Andrew: [Giggles]
Charles: [Looking from one to the other] But
you seem to be saying we shouldn’t be
working on combating lust.
Andrew: [Sakal looks at Andrew, who
grins] No, pastor, he isn’t saying that at all. He is saying
you should be working on combating
lust… by helping us get married when we need it, and not years later.
Charles: But I’m a
youth pastor, not a matchmaker!
Sakal: Maybe you need to change jobs.[x]
God’s Word teaches that our young people are to get married in order to ‘combat
lust’. It isn’t the only thing they need to do; our society, including our
churches, needs to change in very significant ways.
But if we ignore or deny the method that God insists upon the most strongly, indeed the only method that he specifically relates for this issue, then how can we ask for his help? That was Calvin’s point: that if we seek to conquer our sins, but ignore what God has said about how to do so, we ‘war with God’ and ‘resist his ordinances’. He calls it ‘vain’ and ‘presumptuous’.
But if we ignore or deny the method that God insists upon the most strongly, indeed the only method that he specifically relates for this issue, then how can we ask for his help? That was Calvin’s point: that if we seek to conquer our sins, but ignore what God has said about how to do so, we ‘war with God’ and ‘resist his ordinances’. He calls it ‘vain’ and ‘presumptuous’.
Charles: But what does that have to do with me? It
isn’t like I have a son or daughter that age.
Sakal: I believe that each of us should have our role
in obeying the command of I Corinthians 7:2. For example:
Young children: These should be, under their parents guidance, getting ready to be married themselves, keeping themselves pure and focused on brother/sister relationships, encouraging and rejoicing with their older siblings as they marry and have children. Older children: Should hold themselves in readiness; eagerly anticipating marriage while insisting on holding each brother and sister in the church as exactly that in all purity; waiting with eager obedience for the day when their father will present them with a spouse.
Childless (or pregnant) Couples: Praying for and otherwise uplifting and encouraging and assisting the others in the church as they are able in this area.
Older Couples: They should do the same things as the childless couples, and the older women should be teaching the young women as we learn about in Titus 2.
The Elders: Teaching the Word of God on this issue; particularly in light of the current false teachings of courtship and dating; rebuking and admonishing their congregations when necessary; helping their church to be salt and light on this issue wherever possible; specifically facilitating marriages, young marriages, fruitful young marriages. Counseling and encouraging the resulting marriages.
Fathers of Sons: Teaching their sons to be prepared for the wife they will bring them; determining their need for marriage; actively seeking a wife for their sons; taking wives for their sons from daughters who have need, where necessary.
Fathers of Daughters: Teaching their daughters to be ready for the husband they will bring them; determining their need for marriage; giving their daughters in marriage: either to a son who has need or, if their daughter herself has a need, even to a son who has not need.
Young children: These should be, under their parents guidance, getting ready to be married themselves, keeping themselves pure and focused on brother/sister relationships, encouraging and rejoicing with their older siblings as they marry and have children. Older children: Should hold themselves in readiness; eagerly anticipating marriage while insisting on holding each brother and sister in the church as exactly that in all purity; waiting with eager obedience for the day when their father will present them with a spouse.
Childless (or pregnant) Couples: Praying for and otherwise uplifting and encouraging and assisting the others in the church as they are able in this area.
Older Couples: They should do the same things as the childless couples, and the older women should be teaching the young women as we learn about in Titus 2.
The Elders: Teaching the Word of God on this issue; particularly in light of the current false teachings of courtship and dating; rebuking and admonishing their congregations when necessary; helping their church to be salt and light on this issue wherever possible; specifically facilitating marriages, young marriages, fruitful young marriages. Counseling and encouraging the resulting marriages.
Fathers of Sons: Teaching their sons to be prepared for the wife they will bring them; determining their need for marriage; actively seeking a wife for their sons; taking wives for their sons from daughters who have need, where necessary.
Fathers of Daughters: Teaching their daughters to be ready for the husband they will bring them; determining their need for marriage; giving their daughters in marriage: either to a son who has need or, if their daughter herself has a need, even to a son who has not need.
Charles: Wow, that is a heavy list, and a heavy
burden. Can we talk again later?
Sakal: Certainly. [Charles
wanders off and Andrew and Sakal sit for a few minutes more…]
[i]
Indeed, Calvin writes: “Nor is it
merely fornicators that he restrains, but those also who are defiled in the
sight of God by inward lust” and the Geneva commentary: “So to burn with lust,
that either the will yields to the temptation, or else we cannot call upon God
with a peaceful conscience.”
[ii]
“Nevertheless,
to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and every woman her own
husband.”
[iii]
I Cor 7:8, Matt 19:10-12
[iv]
John Calvin
[v]
John Gill, commentary on I Cor 7: 9
[vi]
Matthew Henry on I Cor 7:2
[vii]
Matthew Henry on I Cor 7:9
[viii]
sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp ?SID=6230484014
[ix]
Prov 5: 15-23
[x]
Sakal would have issues with the concept of a ‘youth pastor’ anyway. www.ncfic.org/confession
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