Due diligence

There is no specific scripture commanding that the father must do ‘due diligence’ when searching for a bride for his son. However it is clear from Scripture that ‘any bride’ won’t do.

In the Old Testament the Patriarchs deliberately searched out a bride from among their own family or nation. Abraham and Isaac were adamant that their sons (Isaac and Jacob) not marry ‘local girls’.
In the New Testament we see the concept of faith replacing that of family. “Be not unequally yoked” we are told. A widow may marry whom she will, but ‘in the Lord’.

And more generally, Proverbs is full of injunctions to wisdom, of making wise choices. Specifically as to wives God asks:
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”
In the story of Abrahams servant, we see that, when asking God for a sign for Isaacs wife, he doesn’t ask for some foolish trivia; such as she is wearing blue, or be the first woman to come, but:
And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac;

Thus the woman that he was seeking would be a hard working, hospitable woman… two of the qualities of an excellent wife (that we see also in Prov 31).

This being said, it should not be presumed that this search was one of long years of careful inquiry. In all of the examples that we see in Scripture the Lord provided not only well, but quickly. It is our society, with the myth of ‘your match’ that delays marriage for years, promoting fornication in thought and deed, in search of ‘the soulmate’.

One important feature of due diligence is what happens long *before* the event. Have you and your wife discussed the minimum qualifications for a wife? If your son were to come to you tommorrow stating (however awkwardly) his need for a wife, would you have any idea how to proceed from there? Have you checked your ideal list against the various possibilities that exist? Or will you only be faced with reality once the issue hits? We all have an ideal list of character qualities that we would like the spouse of our child to have... but we need to check this against reality so as not to put an impossible task on ourselves.

Note: See the page 'dual consent' for another important part of due diligence.