Our church is having a series of meetings on marriage, courtship, betrothal, preparation thereto, etc. We were given a homework assignment, basically, ‘list the purposes of marriage’. This is my first draft answer.
The Decisive purpose
I Cor 7:2 :Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1Co 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1Co 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Mat 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
Pro 5:15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Pro 5:16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Pro 5:17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee. Pro 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Pro 5:19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Pro 5:20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?
Pro 2:16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; Pro 2:17 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God. Pro 7:5 That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words. Pro 7:6 For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, Pro 7:7 And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding,
Mal 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Mal 2:15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
It is my opinion based upon the grammar and semantics of I Cor 7, specifically v2, as well as other supporting verses and precepts, that there is a reason for and purpose of marriage that is unique.
Let us suppose that you received a large rebate check in the mail. You may decide to go to the bank and deposit the check. While you are at the bank you may check your balance and order new checks. Checking your balance and ordering checks are ‘purposes’ of your bank trip. However they differ in the quality from the ‘purpose’ of depositing the check. You may be pleased that you had the opportunity to check your balance and order new checks. But you would not have gone to the bank, that day, if you had that large check to deposit.
In I Cor 7 we see Paul contrasting two groups of people: those who shouldn’t get married, and those who should. He does not establish a commandment but instead outlines godly principals.
The essence of these principals is this: that while it is good for a man not to be married, it is not the norm, the norm is for every man and every woman to be married, only a certain few have the exceptional gift of being ‘eunuchs for Christ’.
‘Nevertheless,’ we read ‘to avoid fornication let every man have his own wife’. The norm, so normative that it is represented here by the word ‘every’, is that a man have a wife and a woman a husband.
The distinction we are here given between those who should remain unmarried and those who should be married is stated as ‘to avoid fornication’ and ‘tis better to be married than to burn’. God has given mankind a natural outlet for his sexual desire in marriage (cf Prov 5:15-20), and only a select few have the special gift of being able to successfully go without this natural outlet.
We see this reflected in the several scriptural passages which speak of marrying in ones youth. It is a common, well known fact that the temptation mentioned in I Cor 7:2 is particularly present ‘in the youth’. Not that it disappears at any particular age, but it is particularly strong for the young.
We need not rely on our own experience to support this idea, we see frequently in proverbs a ‘young man’ being deceived by a ‘strange woman’. Similarly when entering in the role of the church younger widows are specifically forbidden, for their temptation would be to renounce their vows and marry, instead they are commanded to marry and raise children.
Thus while I list many other purposes of marriage below, I believe that Paul here outlines for us the deciding purpose of marriage. All the rest of the purposes of marriage reflect the good gifts and holy will of God, but they do not define for us the distinction between who should, and who should not, get married. The only purpose that I have found in Scripture that does make that distinction is this: “To avoid fornication.”
This does not make any of the other purposes less important, less relevant, or less Godly. When we enter into the marriage state they enter into full force in our lives, and we glorify God by fulfilling them. It does not elevate ‘to avoid fornication’ to some ‘foundational’ or ‘primary’ status. The distinction between ‘to avoid fornication’ and the other Godly purposes of marriage is this: a young man decides to enter marriage not by choosing between the purposes for marriage vs the purposes of celibacy; except for this one purpose: to avoid fornication. The other purposes, of marriage and of celibacy, become relevant not during the decision making process, but after the decision is made. They do not tell us why we made our choice, but what our choice leads us to do.
A Godly man may glorify God in marriage, or in celibacy. His path is chosen not by what lays at the end of it, but by the nature of the fork in the road. Are you called to marriage? Then marry. Are you called and gifted to celibacy? Then do not marry. In either case, glorify God with your choice.
Explicit Purposes
Gen 1:22 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.
Gen 9:1 And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.
Gen 9:7 And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.
Gen 17:6 And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee.
Gen 17:20 And as for Ishmael, I have heard thee: Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly; twelve princes shall he beget, and I will make him a great nation.
Gen 26:22 And he removed from thence, and digged another well; and for that they strove not: and he called the name of it Rehoboth; and he said, For now the LORD hath made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.
Gen 28:3 And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people;
Gen 35:11 And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins;
Lev 26:9 For I will have respect unto you, and make you fruitful, and multiply you, and establish my covenant with you.
Psa 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Psa 127:4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Psa 127:5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. Psa 144:12 That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace:
Psa 128:3 Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.
Eze 19:10 Thy mother is like a vine in thy blood, planted by the waters: she was fruitful and full of branches by reason of many waters.
Deu 30:16 In that I command thee this day to love the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments and his statutes and his judgments, that thou mayest live and multiply: and the LORD thy God shall bless thee in the land whither thou goest to possess it.
Deu 7:12 Wherefore it shall come to pass, if ye hearken to these judgments, and keep, and do them, that the LORD thy God shall keep unto thee the covenant and the mercy which he sware unto thy fathers: 13 And he will love thee, and bless thee, and multiply thee: he will also bless the fruit of thy womb, and the fruit of thy land, thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep, in the land which he sware unto thy fathers to give thee. 14 Thou shalt be blessed above all people: there shall not be male or female barren among you, or among your cattle.
Deu 25:5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. 6 And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.
Mal 2:15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
1Pe 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear[J1] .
Job 1:5 And it was so, when the days of their feasting were gone about, that Job sent and sanctified them, and rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all: for Job said, It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus did Job continually.
1Co 7:36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
Hos 1:2 The beginning of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD.
Exo 21:10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
Jer 35:16 Because the sons of Jonadab the son of Rechab have performed the commandment of their father, which he commanded them; but this people hath not hearkened unto me:
Gen 18:19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
Jos 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Pro 3:1 My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: Pro 3:2 For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.
Prominent among the explicit purposes and blessings given in scripture for marriage is the procreation of children, or ‘be fruitful and multiply’. This reason expresses itself in different forms in different passages, in Malachi, we read that God causes marriages in order to raise up for himself a godly seed, elsewhere (Psalm 127 and 128 for example) we see marriage and the fruit there of listed as specific blessings of God upon a righteous man. Even a dead man could have Godly seed raised up for him by his brother (Deut 25, Ruth).
The Jews recognized this. I obtained the following from Clarkes commentary:
In relation to this point Dr. Lightfoot produces some examples from the Jewish writers: “The man is commanded concerning begetting and multiplying, but not the woman. And when does the man come under this command? From the age of sixteen or seventeen years; but, if he exceeds twenty years without marrying, behold he violates and renders an affirmative precept vain. The Gemara says: It is forbidden a man to be without a wife; because it is written, It is not good for man to be alone. And whosoever gives not himself to generation and multiplying is all one with a murderer: he is as though he diminished from the image of God, etc.”
The modern church, however, does not recognize this. Rare indeed the church that blesses their young women on the day of their betrothal with: “Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.” No, instead they speak of the wisdom of delaying childbirth, of not having more children than one can ‘support’.
A counter part of the formation of seed is their training in Godliness. Again this is seen both as a specific purpose of God’s for his own glory, and a specific blessing on man. In Jeremiah 35, Gen 18:19, Joshua 24:15 and elsewhere we see that this training in obedience is meant to continue down over generations. The Vision Forum site (NFIC) lists as one of their goals:
Develop a multi-generational vision for both the church and the family which stimulates personal sacrifice and maturity and preserves our spiritual posterity;
This ‘multi-generational’ vision must be predicated, as we see in Jer 35, a multi-generational authority. We need to remember that all of the Patriarchs continued to command the obedience of their progeny long after they were considered ‘adult’. Modern parents consider their direct parenting done when their children hit eighteen, or, at the latest, when they marry (see Appendix ‘leave and cleave’).
We also see a reason of ‘sanctification’. Marriage is seen in several passages (not discounting those mentioned above in the ‘decisive’ purpose) as being for ‘sanctification’. The husband, the wife, and the children are all seen as being ‘sanctified’ by a Godly marriage, indeed even in a marriage where only one spouse was Godly!
Another explicit reason given for marriage is found in Genesis 2, where Adam says ‘for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh’. The problem with this passage is that the specific ‘reason’ mentioned does not seem to give much guidance for any specific marriage. Adam gives as his ‘reason’:
This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Any boy of any age could be married to any girl and the two would be, in the same sense that Adam and Eve when they were first created, one flesh. We are all descendents of Adam and Eve; we are all one flesh within the realms of what is normally considered to be marriage. There is no different flesh from which to choose. However when we see that the ‘one flesh’ relationship is treated as a reflection of so much of God’s relationship with his people, then we understand this purpose better.
In Exodus we read that a wife is owed several things; her food, her raiment, and her ‘duty of marriage’. Gods design for society includes relationships that provide support. The marriage relationship is designed to provide support for the wife even as it provides a place for the other purposes of marriage to be carried out.
In the book of Hosea we read of a unique purpose of marriage (although one that ties in with an implicit purpose below) that he was to marry an ‘wife of whoredoms’, as a reflection of the whoredom that Israel was committing against God.
(One verse in I Cor 7 deserves specific mention here. I Cor 7:36 Speaks of a man, who possesses a virgin and gives two or three specific reasons for her to be married, we read, ‘if he finds he behaves uncomely to his virgin’ and ‘if she pass the flower of her age’, ‘if need so require’. Depending on how these are interpreted these could be two, three, or even one reason(s). And depending on the interpretation the person involved could be the father, or the betrothed husband, either way the reasons involved seemed to be summed up in those already mentioned (‘if need so require’, ‘behaveth uncomely’, could refer to sexual temptation, while ‘she pass the flower of her age’ could refer to her ability to bear children, the only new reason could be an implication that all women were to be married (see the commentary above) and that it would be difficult to arrange a marriage for an older woman who had ‘passed the flower of her age’.
My own personal interpretation of this passage is that ‘if he behaveth uncomely’ refers in summary to one of the following two reasons; and that ‘if need so require’ refers to sexual temptation. ‘if she pass the flower of her age’ is obviously very literal, but what the specific purpose is, is open to several interpretations.)
Implied Purposes
Gen 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Gen 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. Gen 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. Gen 2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; Gen 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Gen 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Multiple verses : Reflection of God and Israel
Isa 54:4 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. Isa 54:5 For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. Isa 54:6 For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.
Ephesians 5 : Reflection of Christ and the church
Multiple verses: God hates divorce, fornication, adultery: Reflection of Christ/God and Church/Israel
Multiple verses: Husband head, wife submissive: Reflection of Christ/God and Church/Israel
Ezekiel 16: Found in the fields, washed and taken as wife, commits adultery, taken back
Tit 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
1Ti 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1Ti 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. 1Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; 1Ti 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; 1Ti 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
1Ti 3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.
Some of the purposes of marriage are more implicit rather than explicit, in Genesis one we read the dominion mandate, and then in Genesis two we are told ‘it is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper meet for him’ the obvious implication of these two statements is that man is given a wife to help him fulfill the dominion mandate. Some have also implied from this passage that a woman is provided to a man for companionship (ie, to ‘not be alone’).
In I Tim 3 and elsewhere we see how the office of husband father is a preparation ground for the office of elder (bishop) and deacon.
In various passages we see how God has used the institution of marriage as a reflection of his relationship with Israel, and later Christ’s relationship with the church. A proper marriage, as we see in Proverbs 31 (below) and Titus 2, gives glory to God and/or keeps away the blasphemy and reproach that might otherwise so easily come. Some commentators suggest that the blasphemy of Titus 2 is the opposite of the ‘won without the word’ of I Peter… i.e. that the unbelieving husband will either be won by the wife’s quiet obedience, or driven away from the faith by her disobedience and disorderliness.
This reflection has several facets, and multiple verses reflect these: Gods condemnation of adultery, fornication and divorce reflects our permanent unity with him, and the ugly reality of sin which separates us. God’s emphasis on submission by the wife and leadership by the husband represents his sovereignty over Israel and the church. Several other passages (cf Eze 16) reflect the fact that we were lost in our sin and claimed by God.
Some have suggested that this reflection is perhaps the most fundamental of all of the purposes of marriage: that it encompasses all of the others. While there is no specific Biblical warrant for this, it certainly does not go against anything I have read. All of the other reasons seem to fit into the general rubric of reflecting the relationship between God and the Church.
Benefits
Rth 3:1 Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her, My daughter, shall I not seek rest for thee, that it may be well with thee?
Song 2:1 I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys. Son 2:2 As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters. Son 2:3 As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. Son 2:4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Son 2:5 Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. Son 2:6 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.
Pro 5:15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Pro 5:16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Pro 5:17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee. Pro 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Pro 5:19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Pro 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Pro 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Pro 31:13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. Pro 31:14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. Pro 31:15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. Pro 31:16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. Pro 31:17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. Pro 31:18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. Pro 31:19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. Pro 31:20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. Pro 31:21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. Pro 31:22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Pro 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. Pro 31:24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Pro 31:25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Pro 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Pro 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Pro 31:29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Pro 31:30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Pro 31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
Num 30:3 If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond, …
Num 30:6 And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; Num 30:7 And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. Num 30:8 But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her.
In addition to these explicit and implicit purposes of marriage, there are many benefits: ‘he who finds a wife’, we are told, ‘finds a good thing’. ‘Who can find a virtuous woman her price is far above rubies’. I list here as ‘benefits’ things that are gained from marriage, which I nowhere find God actively or implicitly commanding or purposing, but as things which we read the marriage state as obtaining for its participants. Obviously most of the ‘purposes’ above are also ‘benefits’. And I mean no disparagement by calling something a ‘benefit’ as opposed to a purpose. Obviously in the larger sense, God ‘purposes’ every benefit, ‘Every good gift comes down from the father of lights’.
The Song of Solomon, Proverbs 5, and related passages, outline some of the physical benefits of marriage.
Proverbs 31 presents an extraordinary list of benefits that the godly man receives from his wife. She feeds and clothes his household, she seeks increase of the family wealth and influence. They are all summarized in this ‘that the heart of her husband does safely trust in her’ and ‘she shall do him good and not evil all the days of her life’.
Naomi indicates that the married state was considered a ‘rest’ for the widow. Indeed ‘the widow and fatherless’, as frequent supplicants and those needing of provision and protection, show some of the benefits a Godly man provides for his wife and family, including the protection from foolish vows in Numbers 30.
Conclusion
God has provided a wonderful state for his people, called ‘marriage’. It is not the only state, nor is it a required state for all. It is contrasted with the various unmarried states: Widow/widower, virgin, divorced. Each of us begins life as a virgin, hopefully in our father’s house. Under his authority we grow physically until the phase where we become eligible for marriage (Song 8:8). Hopefully we also grow in Godliness and life skills so that we are at that same time ready for our betrothal and marriage.
However not all virgins are called by the Lord to pass from the virgin to married state. Some virgins are given a special gift from the Lord of becoming a ‘Eunuch for the kingdom’.
The benefits of marriage, then, are not for all. There are other benefits to remaining unmarried (although never ‘single’). The purposes of marriage will carry on even if 100% of believers do not participate in that state. The relationship of God with His Church, mirrored in marriage, is not dependent on all being married. Godly seed can be raised by the vast majority even while the gifted minority abstain. Some pleasures and benefits can be gone without by those who have that gift, even while others participate in them.
However the gift of remaining unmarried, of being a ‘eunuch for the kingdom’ is a rare one. Most of us fall into the category where it is written, ‘nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and every woman her own husband.’ For most of us it is ‘better to marry than to burn’. And for us, the benefits and purposes of marriage are myriad.
We should purpose to fulfill God’s purposes in marriage, for those to whom he has not gifted otherwise. We should prepare them, and ourselves, for the calling God has for them. And as Abraham’s servant who said that he would not even eat before he had delivered his message, that he would not even stay one day in delay of accomplishing his task, so let us not tarry, let us not hesitate, but let us fulfill the task the Lord has given us, of finding Godly wives for our sons, and accepting the suit of Godly men for our daughters.
Appendices
Leave and Cleave
A question or challenge has been raised concerning the 'leave and cleave' phrase of Genesis. This phrase, when heard in the modern American context, translates out as something like this: Therefore before a man should consider himself ready to marry a girl, he must be ready to leave his fathers home, rent his own apartment (or better, buy his own house), have his own job which will provide for he and his wife, their health insurance, food, etc. He must be prepared to come completely out from his fathers authority (although he should still honor him), and out from any financial connection with him. Obviously this ‘translation’ would stand in opposition to some of what we have outlined here. It obviously also stands in opposition to most of the marriages we see in Scripture. But is this translation correct? Do these ideas correspond with what God desires in a marriage? Let us first look at the text:
Interlinear :
2:24 .$ עַל־ ֵ ol-kn on·so יַעֲזָב iozb he-is-leaving ־
- _ אִי aish man אֶת ath » ־
- אָבִיו abi·u father-of·him וְאֶת u·ath and·» ־
- _: אִ am·u mother-of·him וְדָבַק u·dbq and·he-clings
24 ___ אִ ְ _ְ b·ashth·u in·woman-of·him
_ וְהָי u·eiu and·they-become
ר! לְבָ ָ l·bshr to·flesh
אֶחָד achd one
Young’s Literal23 and the man saith, `This [is] the [proper] step! bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh!' for this it is called Woman, for from a man hath this been taken; 24 therefore doth a man leave his father and his mother, and hath cleaved unto his wife, and they have become one flesh.
Both the interlinear and the literal here do not support the idea that ‘leave’ is a command distinct from the idea of ‘cleave, one flesh, etc.’ Indeed none of it is written as a command. It reads more: ‘Because the woman is one flesh with the man (in opposition to all of the animals that Adam had earlier seen and named, she is ‘the same flesh’ with him) a man will, when the time comes, stop focusing his affections on his parents and focus it on his wife, with whom he will become physically and emotionally one. The child who cuddles with his parents will become the man who cuddles with his wife.’ If, has been frequently suggested, ‘leave’ is here a Biblical injunction, one which is disobeyed by many, than we would ask, where, elsewhere in Scripture, is this command enforced? Who do we see God as accusing of sin in failing to follow it? And yet this is standard. When God commands against murder, we see him punishing murderers. Greed, adultery, theft… all are later exampled and punished. Even the ‘one flesh’ of this passage is frequently enforced, with God pointing out how he hates divorce, and Jesus himself condemning the Pharisees interpretation of God’s attitude toward divorce. Yet never do we see God making an example of someone who failed to ‘leave’. Instead we see Godly marriages, and indeed generations, that fall exactly into what is supposedly condemned here. Were the Rechabites condemned for their generation long following of their great-great-grandfathers commands and authority? Were the sons of Jacob condemned for living in the family compound and working in the family business? Was Isaac condemned for bringing Rebekah back to his mother’s tent?
Where is it that Christ will one day bring us? Did he not say,
“Joh 14:2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. Joh 14:3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
Prepare the field
Another challenge to the marriage of young people is a popular (mis)interpretation of the verse in Proverbs which says:
Pro 24:27 Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house.
Some have interpreted this as a kind of veto on marriage/betrothal. A young man may not ‘build his house’ (ie get married or betrothed) until he has ‘prepared his field’ (ie. Finished his education, gotten a job, and saved enough money to buy a house). I believe this is incorrect, and wish to offer two explanations, and a caveat.
We need to remember that this verse comes from Proverbs. Proverbs is wisdom literature, not didactic teaching. As such, it follows certain forms. We see this form, for example, in verses such as:
Pro 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
and
Pro 29:16 When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increaseth: but the righteous shall see their fall.
The form is this: two people, two ideas or two actions are contrasted. The one is righteous, the other is evil. The one is wise, the other foolish.
Similarly then I propose this verse is wisdom literature. It compares two men; one wise and the other foolish. The wise man, who has bought a piece of land, begins his work on his land in the field. He (and his sons) prepare his well, his walls, his watchtower, his fences. He plows, he sows, he weeds, he arranges for necessary irrigation. Meanwhile he and his family live, perhaps in a house in town or at this father’s house, perhaps in a tent on the property. It is rough living. But he knows that, in order for them to prosper, the ‘field’ work comes first.
The foolish man does not. He comes and, perhaps at the complaints of his wife, perhaps due to his own selfish indulgence, begins work on ‘the house’. He builds the foundation, the walls, the roof, etc. Finally, once they have moved in and everything is all nice, he begins his ‘field’ work. But by now he is tired. The work doesn’t go as fast as he had ‘planned’. So when harvest time rolls round, the time for the first harvest of his new land… he has little to show for it.
Neither betrothal nor marriage are mentioned in this text. Neither are implied. Young men typically brought their brides back to ‘their father’s house’, even as Christ will do for us. It is typically only later, perhaps when their father has died, perhaps when the family is rich enough to expand, that they have the resources to build ‘their own house’.
If this was indeed a command of the modern interpretation, then where are the Biblical characters who are condemned for not following it? Indeed, where is the Biblical young man that *did* follow it? Can we call a precept something that is everywhere contradicted by Biblical pattern?
A Caveat
Some have interpreted this as an admonition to parents. They see the young man as, as it were, the ‘field’ that needs to be prepared before his ‘house’ (i.e. his marriage) can be built. As an admonition to parents it is excellent. It mirrors verses such as ‘train up a child’ and ‘my son hear my commandments’. It is only an obedient son, well trained in the law of God, which can make an excellent husband. But we as parents need to see that the time for ‘building the house’ is not one that will wait upon our overly slow work on ‘the field’. We need to work on the field with the goal in mind, the goal reflected in I Cor 7 and elsewhere, of a son married ‘in his youth’. We cannot let this become an obstacle in the way of our obedience to other clear precepts.
[J1]Eph 3:1-6
Train up a child Prov 22:6
Fathers disciplined Heb 12:3-11
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